I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
