Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
