are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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