forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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