did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
