Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
