roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
