if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's like iHOP with fire
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
