A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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