My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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