god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
