it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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