I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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