so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
