i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
