i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
