Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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