just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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