What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
