You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
