when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
