at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
