Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
