Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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