His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
