so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
