How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So squirting runs in the family.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
