Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
