Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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