so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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