Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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