I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
