You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
