you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
