4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
