That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
