By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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