It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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