She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
