I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
