I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
