any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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