omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
