remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
