Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
