im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
