i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
