4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
