I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
