my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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