I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
